I Wonder If He Knows

Sometimes I find myself staring at our picture, a happy pair of friends having a good time. We were laughing, smiling, enjoying ourselves with the little time we had left. It felt right to be with each other, it’s almost like a fairy tale.

It seems surreal to think that at some point you were part of my life. That of all the people I could had met that summer, it was you who I connected with.

I feel so stupid thinking about it now, realizing these feelings I didn’t feel for you before. I was falling in love with my best friend, yikes.

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[Source: Castillo San Felipe by Natalia Marie]

However, love isn’t the correct word I’d use to describe my romantic feelings towards you, it’s more like I’m open to the possibility of us if you’re willing to do too. I love you as a friend, I love you so much, that it hurts to think I might lose you, us, if I ever told you the truth.

The truth, that’s a tricky word, isn’t it? It’s something I’ve been struggling to discover these past few months. What is the truth? What were you thinking? What did you mean when you said “Oh imagine if we were engaged!” or “What if I’m the love that was brought to you?” ?

Friends don’t say that to each other, it’s weird, it’s not what you would want to hear from anyone that doesn’t belong to you. You had someone else, I had myself, it was confusing and I had to do something about it.

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[Source: An afternoon by the ocean by Natalia Marie]

Whenever you brought up a romantic detail, I instantly shut you down with a bro or a dude, mostly because I was afraid of what you truly meant. I’ve had plenty of crushes before, but you are someone I hold close to my heart and I’d never want anyone or myself to hurt you.

So I ignored you, I ignored us. And guess what? It didn’t work, because if it had I wouldn’t be writing this letter which I’m positive you’ll never read or at least I wouldn’t attempt to tell you in person.

I’m still conflicted between telling you the truth or moving on with my life… no, that’s the conflict, that’s the worst part of it all, I will never move on, because I’ll always wonder if you know.

[Featured Image Source: The Sky by Natalia Marie]

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